I see a red door.

Rest in peace, Whitney.

2012-02-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

Y'all know how much I love Whitney Houston.

Today, she is dead at the age of 48. I can't believe it, but at the same time, I can.

Whitney has battled drugs and alcohol for years. We've watched her go from having a spunky personality and a beautiful voice, to having a strange, erratic personality and a fading voice. It breaks my heart.

From better times:

Spiritual beliefs via Venn diagram

2012-02-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

Thanks to The Dish by Andrew Sullivan for the pic.

Stoned drivers almost twice as likely to crash as sober drivers.

2012-02-10T14:23:00.000-08:00

Still think that pot is harmless once you're behind the wheel?

I am a fervent supporter of legalized marijuana, but we have GOT to get the notion that stoned driving is safe out of people's heads.

Tesla Model X

2012-02-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Yet another fabulous concept from Tesla...the Model X SUV.

Chic name, chic car.

Aston Martin V-12 Zagato

2012-02-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

Wow. What a beautiful car.

I absolutely love Aston Martins. For me, they are the most beautiful superluxury cars on the road. The lines are clean, but smooth - I don't like the rigidity of Ferraris and Lamborghinis. However, I've always complained that their entire lineup looked the same. It's one thing to have continuity in your lineup, but quite another to have the cars virtually indistinguishable from one another.

Enter the V-12 Zagato. This car has a more muscular, sporty look than other Aston Martins, as well as a taller grill and different taillights (though I must say, I like the classic Aston Martin taillights a little better).

Bravo, Aston Martin!

Image credits: Los Angeles Times

People who abandon pets

2012-02-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

If this doesn't make you sad, you are a heartless motherfucker.

...truly make me sick.

I was just reading about a family in Los Angeles who just left their cat in their apartment when they moved. What the fuck?!

First off...if you are willing to abandon a pet because you find an apartment you like that doesn't allow pets, you are a sick fuck who shouldn't have an animal in the first place. You wouldn't do this with a child, so why do it with an animal that depends on you? Pets aren't whims. Can you imagine how that poor cat felt? He was probably so confused about where his family went.

The cat ended up outside, and would follow one of the neighbors to their car every day. He was clearly comfortable around people. So she took him in, and is currently trying to adopt him out (she can't take any more pets). Check out the cat's profile here - he needs to be adopted within a week.

The point is, this should never happen. Here are some common excuses why people abandon animals:

1. They can't afford them anymore. This is bullshit. If you are so hard up that you can't afford to feed an animal the cheapest line of animal food, you should never have gotten them. If you fall on hard times, and you are truly incapable of feeding an animal that has grown to depend on you without starving yourself, the first option would be to try and find a place that provides assistance to people who can't support their pets. If you can't find that assistance, then you need to take the animal to a no-kill shelter, or at least one like the ASPCA/SPCA that will work very hard to adopt the animal out.
2. They find a new place that doesn't allow pets. Also bullshit. Are you seriously considering abandoning a member of your family because you find an apartment that doesn't allow pets?! Yes, places that allow pets are slightly harder to find, but it's not impossible. Again...would someone abandon their kid to live in an apartment that says only one occupant is allowed? NO!
3. They are 'bored' with the animal...or their kids are. Bullshit, and shallow as fuck. If you're not ready for a pet, don't get one. If there are serious behavior problems with the animal, try to fix them. If the animal is truly wreaking havoc on your life, and won't respond to any training, take it to a no-kill shelter, or the ASPCA/SPCA.

There are also other solutions, if you ABSOLUTELY MUST leave a pet:

- Try craigslist to adopt the animal out.

- Ask friends and family if they'd like to take the pet

- Ask cat/dog rescue organizations if they can take the animal, or try the ASPCA/SPCA

The last, last, last resort - an animal shelter, where there is at least a sliver of a chance that someone will adopt them, or a rescue organization will pull them out and try to adopt them out. But the odds aren't great - most of these animals are euthanized, after spending a terrifying few days in a cramped cage, wondering why they ended up there.

For fuck's sake...don't abandon your pets!

29

2012-02-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

rest in peace.

I heart Superbowlz

2012-02-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

If you're like me and couldn't give a rats ass about football, you might be tempted to make some silly remarks about sports, TV sales, nachos, America's ever-expanding waistlines, and things of that sort.

But never fear! Superbowl Sunday is a great day for pretty much EVERYTHING. Observe:

1. Beer is on sale.
2. Grocery stores are empty (at least while the game is actually being played)
3. Move theaters = empty
4. Malls = empty
5. Roads = empty
6. Gym = empty
7. All the wonderful little commercials are available online the next day. No need to sit through football to get to them.

So you see, Superbowl Sunday is one of the most wonderful days of the year. Embrace it.

Thanks Team A and Team B for playing this year. Great game. Good defense. Great job catching the ball.

I hate values voters.

2012-01-30T18:38:00.000-08:00

This is a follow up to my "I hate family values" post.

I hate the modern designation of some voters as "values voters."

What are values? Let's revisit, in case the hayseeds missed my last post:

values, Sociology. the ideals, customs, institutions, etc., of a society toward which the people of the group have an affective regard. These values may be positive, as cleanliness, freedom, or education, or negative, as cruelty, crime, or blasphemy.

So do today's "values voters" include anyone that has values? No, of course not. They're one (or both) of two things:

1. People who think that their values should be imposed on others.
2. People who are anti abortion, anti gay, anti anything-but-the-nuclear-family, anti choice, anti birth control, etc etc etc. So basically...people with ONE particular set of values.

I have values. I have some that are really important to me. I believe in hard work. Personal responsibility. Fiscal responsibility. Freedom of speech and expression. Loyalty. Etc etc. But apparently, that's not good enough to be a values voter. I have to want to take away choices from others. Those are the values of a values voter. News flash: we didn't peace the F out from England because we wanted more people telling us what to do. We Americans like to do our own thing, and don't need to force everybody to do the same thing we're doing.

Quite frankly, the values voters, along with tax-and-spend Democrats, are what's ruining this fucking country.

Big government Gingrich.

2012-01-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

Not only does Gingrich oppose abortion and birth control, he'd actually like to expand government in order to create a commission to assess the 'ethics' of fertility clinics.

So basically, Newt wants to expand the government's influence over your personal life AND your pocketbook.

Wow. Just. Fucking. Wow.

News flash, Newt: That's not conservatism.

How to trick people into thinking you're rich.

2012-01-29T11:11:00.001-08:00

Gotta love Jenna Marbles:

Fuck apartments that don't allow pets!

2012-01-27T16:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just have to rant against this a little bit.

I am sick and tired of seeing apartment ads that say "no pets."

I kind of get why apartment buildings would ban dogs (sorry, dog owners), as they are more likely to be loud or have an accident (no litter boxes for dogs!). But no pets at all? No cats? Really?!

Let me preface this by saying that I tend to side with landlords on many issues solely on principle. I take good care of my things, and I understand why scumbag, careless tenants are the bane of landlords' existences.

But if you've ever rented in Los Angeles (or any big city for that matter), you know that the apartments are generally shit and the management companies are shittier. These apartments are not meticulously maintained. When I moved into my apartment, there were still food stains on the floor, broken blinds, dirty carpet, a leaky faucet, a broken carport storage bin, etc (ALL of which I have corrected, at my own expense, during my tenancy).

So to the landlords and management companies that ban pets...really...fuck you. Your apartments aren't that nice - I can see from the pictures, and I've seen them in person. Unless you're renting some sort of $10K/month swanky loft with expensive carpeting, you have ZERO reason to ban cats, other than just being overprotective of your fugly building. And besides...if a pet damages carpet or any other part of the building, you can still charge the tenant out of their deposit.

I realize that some issues lie with tenants here...people not cleaning up after messy pets, people having more pets than their lease allows, people not controlling pet behavior, etc. Fine.

But saying "no pets" at the outset is just fucking obnoxious, and probably a good reason why I keep seeing a lot of the same "no pets" apartment ads listed week after week. Have fun with that vacancy!

MSN Real Estate agrees: http://realestate.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=19186150

Shit People Say in LA

2012-01-24T15:07:00.000-08:00

Meh. Half-accurate.

Fashion victim of the day.

2012-01-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

Vivienne Westwood 2012: I hope that's supposed to be snow/icicles.

For the record, I totally get why fashion designers often pair their creations with eccentric hair and makeup. But sometimes you just have to laugh at this shit.

Mitt Romney's tax rate ISN'T 13.9%.

2012-01-24T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's the story of the day...Mitt Romney pays less in taxes than middle America.

Yawn.

Everyone likes to blather about how investment gains are taxed at a lower rate. That's bullshit. First off, corporate earnings are taxed at an embarrassingly high 35%, and much of Romney's earnings came from investments in corporations. THEN, they are taxed AGAIN at 15%. This isn't about fairness...it's about trying to reduce the success and wealth of others because, well, they have more than us, and that's just upsetting.

Quote of the day

2012-01-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

I think this thing's changing now. You know a lot of things is going on in Los Angeles now. LA is not boring for the food. We have so many, so many great chef and great restaurant now. And I think New York's become a little boring now. You know I think New York is a little too fou-fou. You know, I just come back from New York and people need a fart, to poof a little, because they're all so stuffy in New York. - Chef Ludo Lefebvre

Dear people that made new year's fitness resolutions,

2012-01-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

We all know this is going to end by February. Why prolong it?

You've made the gym a big fat clusterfuck of crowdedness. If I see you working out in April, I'll eat my words. But I know I won't, so GO HOME!!!

Not kidding,

Aubrey

Wtf is wrong with cruise ships?

2012-01-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to address this for some time, but the Costa Concordia tragedy has brought it back to the forefront of my mind.

As far as travel goes, cruise ships just can't get it right. How frequently do we hear of trouble aboard cruise ships? It seems like every other goddamn voyage faces some sort of disgusting plague. Flu, virus, or otherwise, cruise ship passengers have about a 50% chance of not blorching nonstop during their trip.

And why is it so fucking hard for cruise ships to NOT CATCH FIRE?! They're traveling in the middle of the fucking water, and yet these ships tend to be fire magnets for some reason.

Oh, and here's a fun one: This cruise ship stinks.

And, if you don't disappear altogether, there's always the chance that your asshole captain can run aground on some rocks for a Facebook stunt, and then abandon ship. Maybe you'll even be trampled by panicking asshole passengers who are clamoring for a life boat!

Cruise, anyone?

Most epic music video of all time.

2012-01-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

Dear music world,

I'm sorry...I could only choose one winner for Most Epic Music Video of All Time. That winner is Michael Bolton for his incredible performance in "Said I Loved You...But I Lied."

You had some impressive entries. But in the end, Michael Bolton's masterpiece takes the cake. If you want to be considered in the future, here are some elements that you should look into:

- Horses galloping through fire
- Soaring eagles
- Cliffs
- Permed mullets
- Michael Bolton, or similar stunner, in an unbuttoned white shirt, unbuttoned denim shirt, or unbuttoned sexy leather vest
- Lots of wind, to show chest hair
- Sexy lady
- Michael Bolton kissing sexy lady
- Horses galloping through water
- Michael Bolton (or Jesus) walking on water
- Terrible singing voice

Once you have all that down, perhaps you'll be considered. Better luck next time.

Best,

Aubrey

Obnoxious cyclists

2012-01-16T18:43:00.001-08:00

Love this:

Huntsman out, douchebag and snoozer still in.

2012-01-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

Huntsman exits GOP race.

Nothing groundbreaking, really. Just thought I'd bitch about it.

John Huntsman, while not a candidate that I would enthusiastically support, had some refreshing views for a GOP candidate. For one thing, he acknowledged global warming and the importance of science in the classroom. Too intelligent for today's GOP, I suspect - which is upsetting. He also wasn't fervently anti-gay like Santorum and Gingrich. Yes, he was dull. But so is Romney.

To me, Romney is the John Kerry of the Republican party. He's boring, unapproachable, and vaguely robotic. And he's got no chance. I see 2004 all over again...a moderately-disliked incumbent president vs. a boring, flip-flopping, un-knowable alternative (from Massachusetts, no less!).

So, ladies and gents, it looks like in 2012, we'll have another case of Asshole A vs Asshole B. I choose neither.

Nicole Kidman in Versace

2012-01-15T21:24:00.000-08:00

I don't watch award shows, but I do love to see what people wear. I was stunned by Nicole Kidman's Versace number at tonight's Golden Globes. The detailing is classic Versace, but distinctive in terms of what you typically see on the red carpet. It definitely hugs her figure well - amazing dress.

Rebecca Minkoff MAB Mini Bag!

2012-01-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

Yay! The purse hunt is over.

I went to Nordstrom Rack today and bought the Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag (mini) in brown croc-embossed leather. There's really nothing mini about this bag...by most standards, it's a medium-large sized satchel. I can't imagine how big and heavy the original must be.

I was so hesitant to get another brown bag, because I wear so much black. But now that I see that it looks just fine with brown, I've gotten over it. And this is much dressier than the Cole Haan crossbody, so it makes a perfect work bag.

It's big, but it's smaller than my pink Nordstrom purse, and that's a good thing...my purses seem to keep growing larger, and it's not a good habit to have. I need to stop throwing all of my possessions into my purse.

I won't say how much this was, because it is out of my normal price range for a purse (aka, the "omg designer purse for 90% off!" price range). Let's say this...it was about 50% off. It's a classic shape, has beautiful leather that won't show major blemishes, and has durable hardware; I consider that an investment!

Types of purses [with pictures]

2012-01-11T12:20:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd do a little educational piece on purse types. It can get pretty confusing.

Now, there is really no final consensus on this - different people and different companies have their own definitions. This is just what I've absorbed over the years. Also, keep in mind that purses have many different characteristics, so a purse may fall into multiple categories.

Cross-body: Any purse that has a strap long enough for the wearer to put it across one shoulder, with the purse resting on the opposite side of the body.

Tote: Typically has a rectangular base, and an opening that is wider than the bottom of the purse. Straps can be a variety of lengths, but tend to be in the center of the purse. Openings can be zipper, snap, or completely open. This is one of the simplest purse styles.

Clutch: A small, handheld bag. Doesn't usually have straps, though some have removable ones. Can take a variety of shapes, but is meant to be held in the hand or tucked under the arm. Best for evening. Sometimes these look like the same shape and size as a large wallet, sometimes they're a bit larger. Openings vary as well.

Wristlet: A clutch (or smaller-sized) bag with a small loop strap in the corner for the wrist. Typically zip-top.

Satchel: A bag that is traditionally wider than it is tall, with relatively short straps in the center of the purse. The opening is often covered by a flap, but can also zip shut. There can be a flat base, or no defined base. Some have additional removable shoulder straps, but most do not. Some can be extremely firm and structured (as the bag below is), some can be limp and soft.

Shoulder bag: Any bag whose straps are long enough to allow it to be carried on the shoulder (not across the body). However, these bags tend to have a singular strap that goes from one corner of the opening to another.

Hobo bag: A shoulder bag with a rounder shape (usually not a flat base).

Messenger bag: Usually a large, rectangular cross-body bag. These bags are usually large enough to hold papers and books. There may also be a small strap on the top to allow the bag to be carried like a briefcase.

Bucket bag: A bag with a base that is closer to the shape of a square or circle. Often has a drawstring opening, though not always.

On the hunt for a fabulous purse

2012-01-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ok...latest shopping dilemma...finding a high quality designer leather satchel for about $225 or less (obviously, the key is to buy something that's worth much more, but ends up at a TJ Maxx, Loehmann's, Nordstrom Rack, etc).

I've had fantastic luck at TJ Maxx in Santa Monica before (well hello there, $378 Cole Haan bag marked down to $59!), so I went there first. Saw some Cole Haan, Helen Kaminski, MICHAEL Michael Kors, etc. Nothing that I fell in love with, though.

Then I went to Marshall's, which also has some nice finds on occasion. Saw some Cynthia Rowley, Elliot Lucca, Tylie Malibu, etc. Again...nothing exciting. Why would I spend money just to spend money? Bad idea.

So here's what I'm looking for. I want a satchel - basically a purse that is longer than it is wide, and has handles whose bases are in the center of the purse. It's meant to rest on the forearm. I'd like it to zip across the top. And I'd like it to be a nice leather - not overly soft, and with good structure! Is that so much to friggin ask?

The career trajectory of a teen idol

2012-01-10T13:42:00.000-08:00

1. "Wow; I'm so surprised by my success! My values are important to me. I'll just keep singing songs about dancing...don't wanna grow up too fast!"

2. First appearance on the red carpet in a semi-sexy outfit. "So and so is growing up!"

3. Second or third studio album full of graphic sexual lyrics.

4. Underpaid photo shoot in Playboy/girl to prove that they're "grown ups."

5. Rehab

6. Choose your own adventure: Comeback or death.

May cause nausea, headaches, homicidal thoughts...

2012-01-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

...heart palpitations, irritability, lack of bowel control, depression, suicidal thoughts, violent behavior, random acts of aggression, night terrors, anxiety, ulcers, heart attacks, strokes, pneumonia, sudden bewilderment, fever, low blood sugar, high blood sugar, restless legs, and death.

Gotta love those drug disclaimers!

Women don't earn less than men.

2012-01-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

...at least not for the reasons you've been lead to believe.

I've bitched about this before, because it's a major talking point in our society. Everyone loves to throw around the goddamn Clinton-era $0.75 figure. It's time to erase that from our collective memory and focus on the real problem: Women making choices that result in lower salaries.

If you drive while high

2012-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

...you are an asshole.

Let's be real, folks. If getting high didn't impair your driving, why would you do it? Are you telling me that you pay a lot of money for something that has zero effect on you? Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Like alcohol, there is a scale. 1-2 drinks? You're probably OK. 1-2 puffs? You're probably OK. But if you get high and then get on the road, you are a giant cunt, and I hope you wrap yourself around a telephone pole with pedestrians and fellow motorists safely out of your way.

Quit giving the government an interest-free loan!

2012-01-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

IRS Withholding Calculator

Tax season is upon us, and many of you will be looking forward to a nice refund. But here's the deal: If you're getting a refund, you're doing it wrong.

You see, if you're getting a refund, you're having the government withhold too much from your paycheck. So the government holds on to your money, makes interest off of it, and then gives it back to you sans interest in the form of a refund in April.

Wouldn't YOU rather have that money month-to-month? Sure, some people look at a large refund as forced savings, but saving is a skill that you need to learn on your own...AND, if you do it yourself, you can earn interest on the money if you invest it properly. Besides...how many people actually save their fat tax refund rather than blow it on non-essential items? My guess is very few.

I finally wised up and calculated how many withholdings I'm eligible for using the IRS Withholding Calculator. Turns out, I can take 2 rather than 1 (and for many years I took 0 in an effort to force myself to save...big mistake, and I never saved the money).

So for those who are unfamiliar, more withholdings means smaller refund but a larger paycheck each month. Fewer withholdings means larger refund but smaller paycheck each month.

Think of what you could do with that money each month...

...invest for retirement
...invest for fun
...pay off credit cards
...buy shoes! (bad idea)

Anyway, knock it off America! For more good reasons why you're stupid to let the government sit on your hard earned cash, click here.

Obama ranks behind Ron Paul & Gary Johnson in ACLU survey

2012-01-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

Still think that the left cares about freedom and human rights?

Idiot criminal of the day

2012-01-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

Man tries to use $1,000,000 bill at Walmart.

Apparently, this man tried to buy a vacuum cleaner and microwave, and insisted that the bill was real throughout his attempted transaction.

Gal-darnit, Cletus, I done told ya that they won't accept yer fancy money!

My new year's tradition

2012-01-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

It's not really a resolution...more of a tradition. I clean my apartment from top to bottom on New Year's Day. It makes me feel like I'm starting the year with a fresh start. It will probably take me 12 hours or more - I scrub absolutely everything.

I actually look forward to it, though as you can see, I'm off to a late start this morning. Here's to an uberclean apartment!

Update on my 2011 resolutions.

2011-12-31T10:56:00.000-08:00

Here's how I did on last year's 'resolutions.' (I kind of forgot that I made them, to be honest, but I actually honored most of them!)

1. Get back to the gym. Technically, I did do this. But, I didn't do it with regularity that I was proud of until November. But, I will say that my new "exercise every day" plan has worked better than anything I've devised before, because it's not so lax that I can continually skip days. I actually look forward to incorporating exercise/gym time into my daily schedule now.

2. Eat healthier - particularly by eating less refined sugar and carbs. Kinda. I do tend to keep less 'crap' in the apartment now.

3. Continue to not concern myself with politics. I kind of pooped out on this one, because some interesting political stuff did happen in 2011, so I had to read and comment on it. Still, now I'm even more annoyed because of the 100% chance that we'll end up with a shitty president in 2012. Whatever.

4. Stop reading "rants and raves" on Craigslist. Success! This shit isn't Aubrey-style ranting and raving about bad behavior. The stuff on here is usually like, "I hate black people" and "I hate women." It made me lose faith in mankind, so I stopped reading it.

5. Seek out more opportunities for professional development. Kind of. I did give more presentations this year, and I got way better at speaking. Still more room to grow, though.

6. Be more intentional with my free time. Kind of. I have definitely been accomplishing more with my free time in the past few weeks, but I can't say the same for the whole year.

7. Don't wear pants. Success! I really do hate pants.

So long, 2011!

2011-12-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

I don't like to make New Year's resolutions (though I did last year, and that update will be next). Something about starting a goal on a specific day seems to screw everything up for people. I started a few things in November and December that I do want to keep up with, though:

- Work out every day (I'm sure I'll talk more about this later, but I will say I'm motivated and it's going really well! I can feel the chub disappearing!)
- Keep my apartment clean (not just picked up, but dust free & clean!)
- Scan my important personal & financial documents so that I always have electronic copies
- Check my retirement investments regularly
- Be mindful about my spending
- Always wear eye makeup (sounds stupid, but I really feel like I look more alert when I wear it, and I feel crummy on the days when I skip it).
- Wear semi-comfortable heels (rather than flats) as often as I can without causing myself any discomfort
- Wake up earlier, both on weekdays and weekends - I always feel like I've wasted the day when I sleep in

2011 was a good year for me, but as always, I hope that 2012 will be even better!

Here's a recap of what happened with the rest of the world:

Designer cars

2011-12-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

I love cars. I love fashion. What happens when we mix the two?

Fiat's release of the new Gucci-inspired Fiat 500 got me thinking. I think this may be the first time since the 1970s that a luxury designer has stepped in to add their own unique touch to a mass-produced, affordable car. The Gucci Fiat 500 starts at just $23,500, so while it's pricey for it's class, it's not totally out of reach for the average American consumer.

Exterior

Interior

I'm not a huge Fiat fan in general, but I like Gucci's touches on this car. They're classically Gucci, but not over-logoed or cheesy. The interior doesn't look too much "louder" than a typical sports car that has bi-color upholstery.

This isn't the first time that a designer has put their own touches on a car in general - they just tend to be limited edition supercars that are out of reach for the average person. Consider the 2007 Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 Versace edition, which isn't distinctly Versace. It just has upgraded leather and stitching in the interior, along with the usual complimentary set of designer luggage (the Gucci Fiat has luggage too, but you have to pay more for it, which makes sense, since the luggage would probably swing the car price up at least $10K).

There are also a lot of instances when designers create ONE car that reflects their taste. You can see examples of that here.

But what I'm excited about is that the Gucci Fiat 500 is produced for the masses. It's obviously Gucci, without being gaudy or tacky. If the Gucci Fiat is successful, who knows, maybe we'll see more of this trend.

Dear little Microsoft Word popup window,

2011-12-28T13:24:00.000-08:00

When your little windows freeze up and I can drag them all over the screen to make infinity signs and hearts and stars, it's fun for about 10 seconds.

THEN ME GET ANGRY BECAUSE NOW ME COMPUTER NOT WORK

I won't calm down until you do, spazzy window!

Aubrey

Guns don't kill people. Awesome moms kill people.

2011-12-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

A Pennsylvania mother uses her legally registered gun to kill her son's robber.

I was actually surprised to see this story on MSNBC, given their disdain for guns. The son was approached by the robber, pistol whipped, and shot. Enter mom. Mom's got a gun, and shoots the robber, thankfully before he could inflict any more injuries upon his victims.

But no...let's ban guns so that the son could have simply begged and pleaded with the robber not to harm him. That would have totally worked. And besides, the robber wouldn't have had a gun anyway, since guns would be illegal, and robbers definitely don't want to do anything illegal!

Classy photo of the day.

2011-12-28T07:53:00.000-08:00

I can haz big picture of my face on car?

Not everybody on public transport is a douche!

2011-12-27T07:47:00.001-08:00

Certainly not Keanu Reeves!

Right on, buddy! He might have known someone was filming, but still.

I see a red door's Greatest Hits 2011

2011-12-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. Let's see what y'all liked best.

1. 480 649 2753 (I guess a lot of people are trying to find out why the GOP is calling them!)
2. The Volvo Prancing Moose
3. Lady Gaga and Liza Minnelli...look alikes?
4. Trader Joe's chocolate orange sticks are back! But they're yucky!
5. Stanford has the most fucked up, scary ass mascot ever (one of my personal favorites :P)
6. Fun political party fact of the day
7. List of non union companies
8. Vending machines are dangerous
9. Prius drivers get more tickets and cause more accidents
10. Spirit of America

These are the 2011 posts that got the most hits - not the posts that got the most hits period. I can't put too much stock in this, as this just reflects a lot of very common search phrases. Still...pretty interesting.

Poor people really like Air Jordans.

2011-12-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

Are you sad that the Black Friday Darwin Awards were over? Don't fret, friends. Poor people don't just like waffle makers and PlayStations. The idiocy continues, with today's release of the Air Jordan 11 Retro Concord. Let's watch them fight each other:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Best spoof on Lady Gaga I've ever seen.

2011-12-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

LOL! Nice work, SNL.

Indiana Jones: Action Figure Edition

2011-12-17T16:21:00.001-08:00

This is super cool. Thanks to Andrew Sullivan for sharing it.

Liberalism is a religion.

2011-12-17T13:08:00.000-08:00

"God knows what's best."
"I'm so thankful to God for giving me a new job."
"It's in God's hands now."
"I've surrendered my life to God. I'll let Him take control - He knows my true path."
---------
How much does it annoy you when you hear a religious zealot explain the occurrences of their life this way? I remember growing up in a moderately religious household, and hearing people at church explain things like this. All I could think was, jeez, don't you have any accountability for your own life? I mean, sure, I'm relatively spiritual, but attributing every single thing in your life to God seems like overkill.

Well, replace the word "God" with "government" in the sentences above, and you've got a brand new faith - liberalism.

I've heard this explained before by neocons, and the argument usually goes like this: Liberals hate God, and they want to force their atheist beliefs on everyone.

Well, not exactly.

There are religious liberals, agnostic liberals, and atheist liberals. I don't think they necessarily want to force a religious belief or lack thereof on anyone.

But here's what they do want to impose on everyone: a large, intrusive, all-powerful government that ultimately will decide what's best for each of our lives.

And just like those who don't believe in God, those that don't believe in liberalism are "bad." They're greedy, selfish, and radical - unwilling to submit to the will of the one true creator of freedom and all things good.

Those that don't believe in the big almighty government, like atheists, might argue that good things can come from other sources than government. They might argue that people can do charity work, give money, and do right by others of their own free will, without the government forcing them to. Similarly, an atheist might argue that morality comes from many things - it can come from people, literature, and the goodness of mankind, without God as the source.

But no - both are ostracized - the anti-big-government person as greedy, and the atheist as immoral - just because they haven't submitted to the higher power.

My highest regard goes not to those that hand over all power to another entity, be it a religion or a government, but to those who believe in people living as freely and peacefully as they can, so long as they respect others' right to do the same.

Santa's Butt

2011-12-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

Yum!

There's apparently a beer called Santa's Butt. Click on the link for more winter brews.

I'm a fundamentalist, hear me roar.

2011-12-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

Atheists "hijack" nativity displays in Santa Monica.

Those are the LA Times' words - not mine.

Just more evidence that fundamentalist religious and atheist beliefs are embarrassingly ignorant, and just lead to conflict. Instead of using the space and either leaving it blank, or creating an attractive display to explain their opinion, the atheists created a display just as ugly as the crumbling nativity scenes that formerly were there.

It seems this is a race to take up space to represent personal opinions in the most obnoxious way possible. For decades in Santa Monica, Christians have littered Ocean Avenue with tacky, peeling nativity scenes made out of creepy mannequins. And now that the atheists have taken their turn, they go the attack route.

Here's an idea: wipe all of this trash off the street permanently. If Santa Monica wants to pay for attractive, semi- generic holiday symbols like Christmas trees and menorahs, great. Or better yet, snow, snowmen, twinkling lights, etc. And if they don't want to pay for it, leave it blank.

I promise, if I go for a walk in Santa Monica WITHOUT seeing a peeling mannequin or an attack on my spirituality, I won't be heartbroken.

Elevators = fucking scary!

2011-12-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

I've always hated elevators. I find them extremely creepy.

Yes, I know they're generally pretty safe, and I've had people reassure me of all the additional safety devices that elevators have. And eeeeeeeeverybody says that elevators never plummet down the shaft, because of all the cables and brakes they have. Well, in 2011, a lot of shit went down to defy that logic.

Today: Elevator pins woman between elevator between shaft and elevator, drags her up 2 floors, and then plummets to the ground.

December 8: Woman crushed while climbing out of elevator as it got stuck between floors.

November: Elevator shaft door malfunctions at a school, and allows students to walk into open shaft as elevator descended on them.

And of course, there's this idiotic incident at Ohio State, when a student was crushed by a sinking elevator as a mob of students proved too heavy for the elevator to handle.

Lesson of the day: Take the fucking stairs! And if you have to take the elevator:
- DON'T get inside it if it's moving, bouncing up and down (I'm embarrassed to say, I've climbed in a janky dorm elevator that was doing this!!!), or not fully on the floor.
- if the elevator gets stuck, DON'T pull the doors open - especially if it's between floors. It could start moving at any time.
- DON'T climb out of the elevator unless ELEVATOR mechanics (not a building facility team or a fkn janitor) tell you that the elevator has been turned off and will not move.

Quarter century.

2011-12-12T15:02:00.000-08:00

Today I turn 25.

I can't express just how fortunate I feel to have good friends, a good family, and a job that I enjoy. I feel like I've grown so much in my first quarter century, but I look forward to the next (hopefully three!!!) quarter centuries and all the fun and interesting changes they'll bring.

As I always say, life gets better and better. Here's to the next step in the journey.

A fitness revolution.

2011-12-11T19:24:00.001-08:00

Fitness crazes come and go all the time. But today, a revolution is underway.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the SpeedFit.

Before today, you probably thought it was impossible to run outside. Well, you're wrong:

How about marathons? Bet you thought those were impossible, too. Well, now this mythical practice can be brought to life with the Speedmobile Bus and Mini Bus:

I'll never exercise the same way again!

Ice Cube on the Eames House

2011-12-10T13:03:00.001-08:00

Pretty cool. Don't forget to check out Pacific Standard Time at over 60 locations across Southern California - particularly LACMA, which has a re-creation of the Eames living room.

Fuckwit of the day

2011-12-09T16:09:00.001-08:00

Rick Perry:

News flash, asshole:

1. Kids can pray in schools if they want to. They just can't FORCE the rest of the class to pray with them. Is that seriously a problem for you?
2. Kids can celebrate Christmas openly if they want to. They just can't FORCE the rest of the class to celebrate it.
3. Yeah...gays can serve openly in the military. By the way, you're welcome for that freedom you still have, from the sacrifices of gay soldiers.
4. Obama's war on religion? Obama's just as much of a pandering pussy fuckwit as you.

Idiot!

A note on Virginia Tech

2011-12-08T11:43:00.001-08:00

2 shot at Virginia Tech

I can't believe this is happening again.

Many people see this as a gun issue. Some think we need more guns on college campuses. Some think we need to ban them. Well, they're already banned...so how'd this happen? People that want to shoot people will find a way to shoot people.

But that's not even the real issue. We need to take a long, hard look at ourselves and ask, why do so many people in this country feel that the only way to resolve their problem is to kill anonymous passerby? Not that it would be right, but these people aren't even directly killing others that they blame for their problems, or just killing themselves. They're shooting random people. People they've possibly never seen or met. They can look a stranger in the face, and have no qualms pointing a gun at them and taking their life away. That's true rage, and goes far beyond killing someone for a clear (albeit inadequate) reason.

I'm not sure if this is an epidemic of mental illness, rage issues, entitlement, or what, but the fact that people are shooting others at random is the real question that must be studied if we want to eradicate violence like this.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Virginia Tech community.

Confused asshat quote of the day

2011-12-04T22:46:00.001-08:00

I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they’re my age they will bein in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.

- Newt Gingrich

Thank you for being a friend.

2011-12-03T14:36:00.001-08:00

Today, since I feel a little icky, I decided to do a more low-key workout, so I took a walk to a TV icon that I recently learned was just 2.5 miles from me: The Golden Girls' house!!!

Nope, it's not in Miami as the show leads us to believe. It's at 245 N. Saltair in Brentwood. Here it is today:

And here it is in the show (1985):

Pretty neat! I only wish that I could have walked in and hung out with Rose, Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche :)

How to be an asshole while traveling.

2011-12-02T21:17:00.001-08:00

If you haven't mastered the art, here are some tips on how to be a giant fucking asshole while traveling. Oh, you already do these things? Fuck you.

1. Don't wear deodorant. You're only being jammed into a small, warm space with 100+ other people. Really, you don't need it.
2. Kick my seat. I love it.
3. Bring a larger-than-normal carry-on so that nobody else can fit their stuff into the overhead bin. That'll avoid baggage fees!
4. Bring multiple carry-ons under the guise that they're your secondary personal items. Yeah, a carry-on suitcase, 10-inch-thick laptop case, big purse, and padfolio are totally acceptable to cram on the plane, especially when at least 2 of those things will hog space in the overhead bin. Thanks so much.
5. Bring your devil spawn (ie, baby) on the plane, and wear headphones as they scream. You may not like the sound of them screaming, but rest assured, we do.
6. Jump up when we reach the gate, and push past everyone as they are waiting to get off the plane. Obviously, you have places to go! The rest of us are just professional plane-sitters, don't mind us.
7. Encourage your devil spawn to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" for the duration of our flight or shuttle ride. It's darling. (Yes, this happened to me. 40. Fucking. Minutes)
8. Leave your cell phone on, or keep fucking with your electronics after the flight attendant tells you to turn them off. No, the flight attendant was just talking to everybody else. You're exempt from this rule, and everyone on the plane loves listening to the flight attendant as she stops to tell your fellow fuckwits to turn their shit off too.
9. Leave your trash on the plane. You're a fucking pig and proud, dammit.

Reason.com keeps me sane

2011-11-28T16:49:00.001-08:00

I love reason.com.

Most of today's major news outlets lean either left or right - and the ignorance they spew because of those leanings seems endless. I'm sick of Fox News blathering about Obama's birth certificate. I'm sick of MSNBC blaming every problem Obama faces on Bush's failings.

Reasonable people, rejoice. There is a libertarian magazine! Yes; obviously that's a political leaning. But after you've been bludgeoned to death with poor reasoning and faulty conclusions (especially in non-opinion pieces!), it helps to read a well thought-out analysis of the issue at hand.

And hey, if you're not a libertarian, give it a read. You might learn something.

Merry Christmas

2011-11-27T17:21:00.001-08:00

Gotta love some non-PC Christmas season fun.

2012 = Awesome concert year?

2011-11-27T16:53:00.001-08:00

Maybe it's that the world will be ending, but it seems like a lot of great old bands are putting aside their differences and considering 2012 tours.

A few that I'm shitting my pants about:

The Rolling Stones

The Beach Boys (WITH BRIAN WILSON!!!)

The Who

The Eagles

If most of these end up happening, I can safely say goodbye to sizeable chunks of my paychecks in 2012. Also, it sounds like Paul McCartney is being honored at the LA Convention Center in February, but not sure if he'd be performing. If he does, I'm down for that, too!

The Black Friday Darwin Awards 2011

2011-11-27T11:35:00.001-08:00

I couldn't resist. There are just too many great stories out there for me to ignore this.

Black Friday shoppers, you got what you deserved this year for acting like animals. Let's take a look at the brightest among you.

Most Deranged: Shoppers in West Virginia stepped over and ignored a man who died on the floor at a Target. Wow. Thanks for reaffirming that West Virginia is a true shithole.

Thinning The Herd Award: A shopper in Lake Elsinore purchased a Wii at Black Friday, and then decided to run across a freeway to 'take the shortcut' home. And wouldn't you know it, they got hit by a car and died. This person is to be commended for removing themselves from the gene pool.

Idiot With a Dash of Hot Sauce Award: A shopper in Los Angeles decided to pepper spray fellow shoppers to get them out of her way. SPICY!

Up At The Butt-Crack of Dawn Award: These darling Arkansas shoppers show us their buttcracks in a frenzy over $2 waffle makers.

Gang Banging Has No Days Off Award: A gang-related stabbing occurred outside a Sacramento Macy's. Turns out, the stabbing victim wasn't a gang member, but was just wearing a red Christmas sweater. Haha I just made that last part up...gangs sure are funny!

Martha Stewart Award: In Oregon, fights broke out over towels on sale for $1.88. Grab them towels, Cletus!

Too Lazy To Shop So Im'ma Steal Yo Stuff Award: A shopper in San Leandro was shot as 4+ men tried to steal his purchases in the parking lot (thanks for the link, ~brian!)

Congratulations to this year's winners. Don't worry, runners-up, we look forward to watching you trample and be trampled next year.

Real life golden girls.

2011-11-26T17:17:00.001-08:00

I've always said that watching the Golden Girls made me unafraid to get old. They're spunky, active, and still on the prowl. While I love living alone, I'm sure that as I get past retirement age, it will make more sense to live with another person, whether that's a man or a house full of other old ladies (seriously, if that sounds lame to you, watch the Golden Girls. They are hilarious!).

Anyway, it sounds like a lot of people are doing this in real life. Check it out:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Mannheim Steamroller sells spray-on barbecue sauce.

2011-11-25T19:06:00.001-08:00

OMG.

A little more googling lead me to this: Spray-on barbecue sauce created by Mannheim Steamroller's ringleader, Chip Davis.

Sweet mother of God. When all else fails, start selling spray-on barbecue sauce on your band's website.

Actually, they sell all sorts of random stuff, including food (woof)! As much as I hate to fund this horrible endeavor, I might have a friend who wants some ironic accessories...

Mannheim Steamroller sucks donkey balls: 2011 Edition

2011-11-25T18:08:00.001-08:00

I just want to remind the world how much I hate Mannheim Steamroller. I've blogged about it before...in 2009 and 2010. But I want to make this an annual thing, so just roll with it. They rape my ears with this bullshit every year, so dag nabbit, I'm gonna blog about it every year.

Mannheim Steamroller is the worst. Except apparently not, because they have 3 of the 10 best-selling Christmas albums since 1991. Obviously that says nothing about the quality of their music...it just means that people in the flyover states walk to the beat of a different drum. A really stupid, horrible-sounding drum.

I love that most of Mannheim Steamroller's albums have the word "Aire" in the title. What's an "aire," you ask? Well, I'll tell you. MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER LIKES TO MAKE UP WORDS.

Aire is apparently their fucked-up, retarded way of spelling air. So they have albums with brilliant titles like Fresh Aire, Fresh Aire II, Fresh Aire III, and A Fresh Aire Christmas. Strangely enough, "fresh air" doesn't come to mind when I listen to Mannheim Steamroller. All I can think of is the musty air inside a JoAnn Fabrics. Don't forget to pick up some jingle bells to sew on your sweater!

But let's get down to brass tacks. Why does this music suck balls so much? Could it be that it sounds like it was composed on a Casio keyboard? Could it be that it sounds NOTHING like Christmas music? Could it be all the random electronic beeps, bloops, bongs, and zings? I mean jeez, I'd rather hear Aaron Neville get stuck on a word than listen to this crap.

And here's the best part...they even have music videos! Check this one out (and if it's too painful to watch the whole thing, at least start here):

If that doesn't make you hate Christmas for a split second, I don't know what will!

Small Business Saturday

2011-11-25T10:12:00.001-08:00

Did you know that small businesses create half of the jobs in the private sector?

Instead of being trampled by society's undesirables at a Walmart, why not go out and support your local small business for your holiday shopping? Tomorrow is Small Business Saturday, so get out there and encourage America's real entrepreneurs.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Surprise, surprise...somebody's already been shot!

2011-11-25T09:20:00.001-08:00

True to form, the People of Walmart have already been shooting each other on Black Friday. Nice work, guys.

I, meanwhile, am shopping the SAME DEALS online in the comfort of my home, and I don't even have to get tased/shot/mugged/raped/trampled. How 'bout that!

MSNBC article here.

Family history

2011-11-24T19:13:00.001-08:00

My parents were going through some old photographs that belonged to my grandma, and they found this newspaper clipping (this is a picture of a copy that my mom made). We aren't sure what newspaper it's from, but this must have been a feature on Cuban immigrants to the United States from 1962.

This is my dad, sitting in my grandma's lap on the plane from Cuba to the US.

Yes, Cuban toddlers drink coffee.

Houndstooth nails!

2011-11-23T17:42:00.001-08:00

Ok, I decided to be a little adventurous and do houndstooth nails. I've always loved houndstooth, and since Salvatore Ferragamo's Fall 2011 collection is very houndstooth-heavy (and admittedly, I was slightly intrigued when I saw it on Lady Gaga), I thought I'd hop on the trend, even if it was a little late.

Another trend I've been meaning to try is the Sally Hansen Salon Effect nail polish strips. Basically, it's a way to stick on your nail polish (but it's not a sticker, it's real nail polish). They come in all sorts of patterns, from plain (lame!), to lace, flower print, and leopard.

There are two ways to do the trend. You can paint your nails another color, and just do one nail with the polish strips (so for example, one of my coworkers did a bright pink on all of her nails except her ring finger, which had a leopard print on it). Or, you can go loco and have crazy patterned nails on every finger. I chose to go loco:

Not perfect, but not too shabby, either!

These are too fun. And for $8-10 for 16 strips, you can't go wrong - it's cheaper than a salon manicure! Since I have a few strips left, I'll try painting my nails red and then doing just a houndstooth ring finger.

Yay for trying new things!

Road ragin'

2011-11-22T19:55:00.001-08:00

More goody good goodness from The Onion. Clicky on picky for the whole thing.

Chase keeps sending me checks!

2011-11-17T19:07:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, I still have one credit card with Chase. I keep it because it's the open line of credit that I've had the longest - closing it would harm me more than it would Chase.

So, Chase periodically sends checks that allow you to use your Chase credit card to pay off the balance on other credit cards....so you're basically transferring the balance to your Chase card (what a NICE service to offer you! Aren't those folks at Chase sweet?!).

I have no desire to do this, because, DURR, I don't want to give Chase any more money.

These checks are not the safest things to have coming in the mail. They have all of your personal information on them, and if intercepted by a thief, would make stealing your identity/fucking with you pretty fucking easy.

So I called Chase, spoke to a live human being, and requested that they stop sending me these. Of course, it takes 10 business days for my request to be processed, blah blah blah. Fine.

That was 2 months ago.

Now, I get these checks ONCE PER WEEK, which is more frequent than I ever did before.

Is there anything that these fucktards can do right?

Having a cat is like having a child!

2011-11-15T19:18:00.001-08:00

Cat Benatar's latest behavior fiasco is loud howling when I am home with her.

I can be doing anything...on the computer, in the shower, reading, etc, and she will howl for attention. Her health is fine, she has a clean litter box, clean water and food, and plenty of energy. She is just being an asshole.

If you've met Cat Benatar, you know that she's vocal. It's just part of her personality. But these are not the "row row" or "reh reh" or "gurgle" noises she makes. This is like "MMMOOOOOOWWWWW!" It literally sounds like a howling baby. Worst sound ever.

I've been on 4 trips in the last 2 months, so maybe she feels like I'm going to depart any second for another trip. Or, she could just be bored and begging for attention.

So now, I have to endure the pain of ignoring her piercing howls and long meows until she stops, so that she knows they won't get a reaction out of me. And then, I have to constantly reward her during the times that she's quiet. If I deviate from this, or shush/yell at her when she howls, she'll just keep going.

This is about as much as I can handle, and I can barely handle it. Kids would just about kill me.

+1

2011-11-14T21:48:00.001-08:00

I finally remembered to add +1 buttons to the bottoms of my blog posts. So start plus-one-ing my shit.

Also, you should click on the pic below to vote for what you like better..."like" or "+1." I think you know what team I'm on.

Gym etiquette.

2011-11-14T19:47:00.001-08:00

Ok, kids. Today we're going to do a lesson on how to be a polite gym-goer.

Most gym-goers are disciplined individuals that are just trying to get their workout on without disturbing the peace. But if you are a giant fucking cunt when you go to the gym, take heed:

1. It's called a StairMaster. Not a LeanOnMeWhileYouTalkOnYourPhoneForTenMinutesMaster. Especially when you see someone else looking for a machine. (I'm talking to you, aging douche at Wooden today!)

2. While we're at it, just GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE when you're at the gym. Period. You might call your conversation about the color of last night's puke "entertainment," but to the rest of us, it's noise pollution.

3. Wear deodorant. Hey, we're all a little funky once we get going. Some of us might be funkier than others. But if you smell like you fell in a vat of chicken soup, you clearly did not do us the courtesy of swiping on a little deodorant before your workout. If you rationalize forgoing deodorant because you're going to sweat anyway, you are an idiot. Yes, you will sweat. The question is, will your sweat smell like the urine of Satan and choke everyone at the gym?

4. If your gym has a time limit on machines when others are waiting behind you, pay attention to it.

5. Wipe off the goddamn machine when you're done. You don't need to get on your hands and knees and scrub it down with a toothbrush - just give it a quick wipe. We all sweat on the machines a little bit, but that doesn't mean I want to plop down in a puddle of your ass sweat.

6. Stop looking at how many calories I'm burning on the screen. Mind your own goddamn business. Hey, I know sometimes you're actually looking past me to check out some PYT. That's cool. But those of you that are obviously looking at my screen while panting your ass off trying to go faster, keep your fkn head down. This isn't a race, muhfucka!

7. To the guy in jeans and a sweatshirt that just wanders in to step on the elliptical and start giggling to his friends, I really hate you.

I implore you...be a good gym citizen; not the person whose stationary bike I am ready to kick over.

Fake headline of the day

2011-11-12T16:31:00.001-08:00

Obama surprises children with tax on legos, hair barrettes, and merriment

Kardashian divorce

2011-11-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

SNL hits it right on the nose:

Kids

2011-11-06T08:39:00.001-08:00

No thanks!

I AM ZE BEST SHOPPER IN ZE WORLD

2011-11-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, I am proud of myself.

Now, I wouldn't ordinarily pick a brown purse, since I have serious apprehension about carrying a brown purse with my black shoes. And I always wear black shoes. It wouldn't bother me if it was a yellow purse, or a red purse, or a green purse, but brown freaks me out. Need to get over that.

I needed a crossbody bag for my upcoming trip, and I shopped all over God's green earth. Everything was either too-small, fake leather, or too expensive. Enter this little fella. It's Cole Haan, and normally retails for $378 (it's still available for that price at some stores, actually). Well, I got it for $60...marked down 3 times at TJ Maxx because it had a millimeter-sized scratch at the bottom.Paying full price is for suckas!

Prius encounters of the 3rd kind

2011-11-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yay! I encountered yet another Prius driver who should be yanked out of their car and strangled.

Today, I found myself behind gray Prius 6ABJ___. We were both turning into the Ross parking lot on Rochester and Westwood Boulevard in LA. If you're not familiar, the Ross is on Westwood Boulevard, but the parking entrance is immediately after you turn onto Rochester. The driveway into the parking lot is steep, but it's nothing unusual for LA.

So the Prius makes a right to enter the lot, and stops right over the sidewalk before proceeding down the ramp. They are in no danger of not making the turn into the lot. Then the backup lights go on. Since they have plenty of room, I figure it's just a case of "Durr, I guess I didn't want to go to Ross today." So the Prius backs up and almost hits my car. I throw my car into reverse, check behind me, and prepare to roll back so that the Prius can get out.

Nope. The Prius doesn't want to get out, it was just confused.

So we proceed down the ramp. The Prius keeps braking before approaching the ticket button. Then they drive so close to the ticket machine that their mirror almost touches it. So they back up again. Then they reluctantly take a ticket. Then they pull forward. No, not all the way.

THE PRIUS STOPS UNDER THE GATE ARM AFTER IT LIFTS AND JUST STAYS THERE.

I pull up to get my ticket, and of course I can't, because the Prius is still sitting under the raised gate arm. Waiting for Prius to figure it out. Waiting.

I can finally take my ticket, and of course I have to follow the confused Prius into the parking lot. The Prius takes the first open spot it sees, and pulls in exceedingly slow. I, of course, yell "fucking moron!" out the window and zip around, at which point a goon in a highlighter vest tells me to slow down. "Suck a nut" would have been the best response, but I didn't want to get kicked out of Ross.

But, as I meandered down the levels of the parking lot, I realized I was too upset to shop (especially given that Ross probably wouldn't have had the purse I was looking for anyway). So I turned around and made my way back out. As I passed the parked Prius, I could see that it was completely cockeyed and over the lines.

So thank you, Prius drivers, yet again, for buying a Prius. It's a great way to signal to the rest of us that you are totally inept and should be avoided.

November 5 is Bank Transfer Day!

2011-11-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

This isn't exactly a new idea. MoveYourMoneyProject.org has been encouraging citizens to withdraw money from big banks ever since the 2008 recession hit.

It's the best way to send a message to the big banks. Much better than not showering and loitering in front of a bank (looking at you, Occupy Wall Street). While OWS will claim that it ended the debit card fees, most of its supporters (who likely STILL HAVE MONEY IN THE BIG BANKS) don't realize that the banks are coming up with new types of fees (see vid below) to charge consumers.

If enough depositors remove their money, the banks will feel the pain and change their practices. It's called voting with your wallet, and it's how our free market system works.

But even if you're not terribly concerned with the political implications here, there are huge benefits to you as an individual for moving your money to a credit union or a local community bank:
- personalized service
- fewer/lower fees
- better interest rates
- all the same financial services that banks offer
- all the same conveniences that banks offer (online banking, branches open on Saturday, debit cards, a large ATM network (through the "Co-Op" network of credit unions), etc.

I blog about this all the time, but I've moved most of my accounts out of the big banks. I've moved a checking account from Chase, a savings account from Chase, and an auto loan from Bank of America. My credit union has been awesome with all of these. With my auto loan, my interest rate was reduced by 50%, I got $150 cash back, and I even got a written thank you from my loan officer for doing business with them. Would Bank of America ever do that? Fuck no.

If you are considering moving to a credit union, though, you probably can't do it all in one day. See my tips here.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Really f'n brilliant "don't drink & drive" PSA

2011-11-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

This is a great PSA from New Zealand aimed at teenagers. It definitely adds a little humor to a serious subject, and it also doesn't scold. Check it out.

Heads up, the NZ accents are super heavy:

Clean up yo shit!

2011-11-03T11:02:00.001-07:00

Creepy but amusing PSA. Thanks Andrew Sullivan for sharing:

"God wants us to put people back to work"

2011-11-02T10:39:00.000-07:00

Pander pander pander

Obama apparently just got off the phone with God and is letting us know that God wants us to pass his jobs bill. Cute.

Just want to point out to the Obamaphiles that it's just as cheesy when a Democrat blathers about God as when a Republican does. I know they won't hold him accountable for that, but here's hoping.

Less yappity-yap about personally held beliefs, and more workity-work, please.

The semiotics of clothing.

2011-11-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

Tim, as usual, has it right. It's not about owning the latest designer clothes; it's about your ingenuity, and your ability to translate your desired look into clothing that fits your budget. So if you dress like a frumpy slob, be prepared for people to assume you're a frumpy slob.

Signs that the "daily deal" coupons are going downhill...

2011-11-01T16:42:00.001-07:00

I don't think this person really gets the idea...

Metrolink adds "shut the fuck up" car

2011-10-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

It's about goddamn time.

I've long said that public transportation is full of riff-raff. No, not everybody that uses it. I'd say it's about 50% normal people that can't afford or don't wish to drive, and are just trying to get to work or school. The other 50% are society's undesirables.

Well, luckily, Metrolink recognizes that, and so now they've designated one car per train as a "quiet car." As in...shut your motherfucking goddamn mouth. As in...no playing music through your phone sans headphones to annoy the fuck out of fellow passengers. As in...stop hee-hawing and yelling at each other. Just shut up.

Ok, I stole/modified this picture from Matthew Inman's "The Oatmeal." BRILLIANT site, and the post that accommodates this is brilliant as well.

I don't know how they're going to enforce this. As we all know, living in a melting pot means that there isn't that much societal pressure to behave yourself. So I could easily see "shushes" resulting in stabbings.

Image Credit: "The Oatmeal" by Matthew Inman

Still, kudos to Metrolink for trying to create a better environment for the normal people that take the train.

Hunters!

2011-10-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

I finally gave in and got my first pair of Hunter rainboots.

However, I didn't pick an adventurous color - I just stuck with black. Maybe someday I'll end up with purple, yellow, or red. But let's test out the black ones and see how they do. Honestly, at this price, if they don't last at least 5 years, I will be really fkn upset.

Gay bashing in West Hollywood?

2011-10-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

Fucking disgusting

This is why we need to support concealed weapons permits for ordinary citizens.

When gay men and women are in danger in a gay enclave, we have a real problem.

For once, I'd like these stories to read, "attempted attack on gay man results in attacker's head being blown off." That would just tickle me pink.

Holding cyclists accountable.

2011-10-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest: I am an avid motorist. I love driving. I think that the automobile embodies the American spirit, and that it is the most pleasant way of getting from point A to point B. No, I don't drive a gas-guzzler; no, I don't have a gun rack. So you can get those stereotypes out of your brain right now. I just enjoy the freedom that comes with driving.

The battle between cyclists and motorists has been raging for years, though of course these groups overlap a good 50% of the time. Who has the right of way? Who deserves to have dedicated lanes? Do bikes have the same rights as cars? Do cyclists need to obey the same laws as motorists?

I was reading this article about cyclists who run red lights from Joseph Rose of The Oregonian, and it reinforced the notion that when cyclists run red lights, it doesn't really shave time off their commutes (of course, the same is true for motorists).

The comments section seemed all-to-familiar to someone who likes to read articles about bicycles and their place in large cities. Bikes vs. Cars. Here's a summary:

Motorist: Those bikes are always running red lights! They never stop at stop signs!
Cyclist: I see cars run red lights all the time! At least I'M not in a 2-ton vehicle that kills people every single day! I can run a red light without causing a major problem.
Motorist: I try to tell cyclists to obey the law, but they curse at me and throw things at my car.
Cyclist: Car drivers do that too! At least cyclists are saving the environment!

Blah blah blah.

When I've participated in similar discussions, I do mention that I rarely see cyclists stopping at stop signs. The response I get never accepts blame. It's either "car drivers do it too," or "at least I'm in a light vehicle that can't harm people as much" (to which I say DURR! your bike might not harm people, but if your antics cause a car to swerve to avoid you, and a car kills someone, yeah, that's a problem!). And here's my favorite: "At least I'm not a fat driver. I'm saving the earth!"

The bottom line is, cyclists, by law, are obligated to follow the same rules as motorists. Are there a shit-ton of horrible, lawbreaking motorists out there? Absolutely. I won't make any arguments here about which group has a higher percentage of lawbreakers in any given scenario - I don't have statistics on that, and I've yet to see any. And both groups have crazy road ragers. I've heard of just as many cars trying to run bikes off the road as I have cyclists who are kicking, scratching, and spitting on cars.

However, on the whole, what I do see is a lack of admission about wrongdoing from cyclists. Or at least, any admission of wrongdoing is paired with some other supposedly-beneficial thing that cyclists do, so "it all cancels out." Wrong.

We all need to share the road, y'all. So do your part and be considerate. Don't let a wanton cyclist or motorist make you so jaded that you become a reckless asshole on the road.

This guy's got the right idea.

2011-10-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

A long island man wants to trademark the "Occupy Wall Street" name and use it to sell merchandise.

Of course the hippies and the cop-car-shitters will be upset, but I think this is capitalism at its finest. It's no different than people making Obama t-shirts and selling them, or weaving weird shit out of hemp and selling that. Any time you engage in a private exchange with another individual for goods and services, you're participating in the free market.

I hope this man profits as much as possible from his ingenuity, even if he is spreading a goofy message. Because after all, that is how a free society works!

Subject hates object.

2011-10-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

I hate to say this, because I don't like giving these nutjobs any attention, but I am fascinated by the Westboro Baptist Church. They are so bizarre, and come from such unexpected beginnings (Fred Phelps used to be an outspoken defender of civil rights for African Americans!), that it's just fascinating to watch them blather on with their craziness.

I've always wondered whether or not there was a Westboro Baptist Church sign generator online, and I found one. It's not great, but it does the job.

The Westboro Baptist Church has made lots of crazy signs over the years, with random targets like the journalists that interviewed them, Liz Taylor, the entire country of Sweden, etc. So why not create some of your own? Here are a few of my creations...

What, me marry? Yeah...apparently you.

2011-10-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

When I saw Kate Bolick's article on the cover of next month's Atlantic magazine, I was super excited. Yay! More coverage of women who choose not to marry.

Turns out that's not what it's all about.

The article is really just about increasing numbers of single women (told in the context of Bolick's semi-unsuccessful 'romantic life story'). Bolick goes on to describe how successful single women have trouble finding partners due to the decreasing status of men in our society (men are losing ground in the workforce, on college campuses, blah blah blah).

She ponders different lifestyle arrangements briefly - she interviews a woman who lives in a "women only" apartment complex in the Netherlands, but who also has a relationship with a male partner who lives elsewhere. So there's a smidgeon of new thinking. But that's about it.

Basically, Bolick concludes that her many long-term relationships have been unfulfilling. The end result is her basically throwing her hands up at the idea of being married. At least temporarily. And she doesn't honestly seem that thrilled about being single either. It all still comes down to "I'll still get married if I meet the right man, but for now I'll just deal with being single." The whole thing is a raising of the white flag. No enthusiasm, no conclusion that she could live life differently, and conversely, no excitement at the prospect of being married.

How disappointing. There are so many things that she could have mulled over in the article - cohabitating with a boyfriend but never marrying, living alone but dating casually, living alone but having a life partner nearby, etc etc etc.

Honestly, I wouldn't be upset if a woman pondering the issue of marriage in some magazine article decided that marriage suited them well. Or that they would embrace their singlehood and truly enjoy it, all the while hoping to get married. That's cool. Not my style, but cool. But given the splashy front-page headline, I guess I wasn't expecting the article to just be a 5 page mopefest that lead Bolick back to the same societal traditions that she was ranting against.

Ugh.

Don't look now, young man...

2011-10-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

...but somebody has his hand in your pocket!

Cute old Barry Goldwater campaign ad:

What a G. Another good one:

Where is today's Goldwater?

67 days until Christmas 2011

2011-10-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ok...time for my annual "67 days until Christmas" post.

Admittedly, I haven't 'smelled' Christmas in the air yet. And the weather isn't super Christmas-y (California Octobers are hot anyway!). I've dabbled in a little Vince Guaraldi Trio, but that's about it. Nonetheless, I'm super excited about Christmas. There are no other holidays that get people as excited as Christmas. I mean think about it...all the stores are decorated, just about everybody exchanges presents, and we actually listen to themed music about the holiday. We certainly don't listen to St. Patrick's Day music or Easter music. Well, at least not normal people ;)

Screw Halloween, Thanksgiving, and all the other crap holidays in between. As soon as I smell the "Christmas smell," it's on, y'all.

Gay kids fight back

2011-10-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Young gay black men form their own street gang

No, not the kind that terrorizes normal citizens. This is a gang that fights back when one of their members is harmed. I don't agree with all of their methods, but admittedly, this is refreshing for me to see.

I've always felt that it would be beneficial for gay men to receive some sort of training in boxing, martial arts, or something that could help them in a physical confrontation. Yes of course, we should live in a world where gay men should not need to physically defend themselves against Neanderthals. Violence is never the answer. But you know what? We still live in a world where gay men are ganged up on and beat up. So it's time to fight back.

How refreshing would it be to hear that a meathead homophobe gets the shit beaten out of him by a gay man?

Vigilante justice!

Dear Bank of America,

2011-10-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am the 99%.

But not the 99% that the Occupy Wall Street crowd claims me to be.

I believe in personal responsibility. I believe that as a financial institution, you have a right to make a profit. I believe that government over-regulation of the banks is well-meaning but extremely harmful to our economy. And hell, unlike the protesters, I believe in showering.

One of the biggest things I believe in is voting with one's wallet. And so I'm doing that today, by refinancing the car loan that I have with you, and moving it to a credit union. Not only am I slashing my interest rate in half and getting a little cash back, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm not feeding you with interest charges - I've paid over $1,000 to you so far, just so that you can have the "privilege" of having my loan.

See, while I don't really blame you for what others claim was "predatory lending" (the people that signed onto the loan are equally to blame IMO), I do blame you for your reckless investments and poor customer service. And of course, your recent decision to impose a $5 fee each month on customers who use your debit cards was the straw that broke the camel's back. Luckily, I don't have to deal with that crap, since I moved my money from Chase, who is also implementing similar fees.

So, as a fiscal conservative, I'm taking my business elsewhere. Because for every smelly protester who believes you should be handing out money, there are 100 Americans who think you suck on pure principle.

Sayonara,

Aubrey

List of non union companies

2011-10-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

Looking to avoid bankrolling a union? Shop at the stores below. I'll expand the list as I have time.

Grocery:
Whole Foods
Trader Joe's
Bristol Farms
Fresh & Easy
Sprout's
BevMo

Other:
Target
FedEx
Wal-Mart
K-Mart
CVS
Sam's Club
Costco
Walgreens
Nordstrom (thank God!)
Neiman Marcus
Saks Fifth Avenue
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unionized stores to avoid:
Ralphs
Pavilions
Safeway
Vons
UPS
Macy's (now we know why it sucks!)
Bloomingdales

New goal: shop at non-unionized stores.

2011-10-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised that I didn't think of this before.

Why the hell am I shopping at Ralphs, Pavilions, and Vons?

It's no secret that I don't support unions. The idea of a bunch of workers ganging up and saying, "we're not going to work until we get X, Y, and Z" is absolutely ludicrous to me. So is the idea of taking away assessments of individual performance, as well as compensation (and punishment) based on performance level. You're not a drone. You're a human being - why won't you take accountability for your own job?

Anyway, so that's that. And every time a grocery strike rolls around, I get really upset - workers upset over spending $9 per paycheck on healthcare?! We should all be so lucky. So during strikes, these folks urge us not to shop at the big chains, so that we can tell Ralphs, Pavilions, and Vons that we don't like the way they treat their employees. Well guess what? How about I don't ever shop at these stores so that the stores get the message that I don't support them coddling their unions?

There are no 'perks' to shopping at these stores anyway. The produce is crappy, the service is HORRENDOUS, and the overall quality isn't great. Admittedly, I shop here out of laziness.

Here's what I think is especially poignant: Stores that do require you to join unions are called "closed shops." Stores that don't require you to join unions are called "open shops." States where one may be forced to join a union as a condition of employment are called "non right-to-work states." States where one is not forced to join a union as a condition of employment are called "right-to-work states." As in...you have a right to work. You don't need to be forced. You can associate or not associate as you please. There are choices for the worker, and the legal language makes that especially clear.

So from now on, I will make every effort to shop at Bristol Farms, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, and Target. You know...the stores that had more exotic foods, better quality, and employees with better attitudes to begin with.

Oh...and here's a fun fact of the day: The CEO of Whole Foods is an anti-union libertarian. Let that marinate while you're sipping your wheatgrass.

I kind of gave up

2011-10-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

...on ignoring politics.

Er, I guess it's not that I gave up...it's just that there's so much stupidity that I couldn't look away. Now back to reading my Andrew Sullivan so I have a dose of politics from a sane perspective.

Freedom? Who needs it?!

2011-10-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

Among the bills that Jerry Brown signed this weekend:

- a bill to ban minors from using tanning salons
- a bill banning people from carrying guns in public
- a bill banning industrial hemp production

Next up is a bill requiring that all Californians let Jerry Brown stick his penis in their butt. What, are you some kind of homophobe?

Time to cut off the fringe.

2011-10-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about the hideous fashion trend.

I'm talking about the idiotic fringe groups that are springing up like weeds in this country. Sure - they have a right to their opinion. But their opinions are flat-out stupid.

Take the Tea Party, for instance. This is a group that claims to focus on fiscal conservatism, yet contains the same socially conservative wingnuts that were always at the far right end of the Republican party. Like most uneducated members of fringe groups, they can't even spell the points that they're trying to make on their signs. And while I like the idea of protesting government spending in theory, seeing racist signs and people making ignorant statements about our president is a huge turn-off for most sane Americans, myself included.

Now we have the "Occupy Wall Street" crowd. Talk about aimless. Alleged goals range from the elimination of capitalism, to the legal prosecution of bank executives, to the redistribution of wealth, to the abolition of the Federal Reserve. Instead of being roly-poly white trash like the Tea Party, this crowd is a collection of hippies, eccentrics, and people that are staunchly against showering. And while many people are upset with the banks, signs about redistributing wealth (waved while being visited by millionaires Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon) are a turn-off for myself and most sane Americans.

The simplest questions to either group go unanswered.

"Hey Tea Party, where were you when Bush was spending exorbitant amounts of money on both the Iraq war as well as social programs?"

*cricket, cricket*

"Hey Tea Party, Barack Obama has already shown us his birth certificate...why do you still think he's Kenyan?"

*cricket, cricket*

"Hey Occupy Wall Street crowd, what's your goal?"

*cricket, cricket*

"Hey Occupy Wall Street crowd, if you're against the big banks, why haven't your protesters removed their money from the big banks?"

*cricket, cricket*

Time for rational adults to step in. Neither of these groups represent the "99 percent," as they claim to. These groups represent the uneducated, irrational 5% from either extreme of the political spectrum.

Just on a personal note, this really makes me miss Stephen Colbert's "Rally to Restore Sanity."

Make your devil baby shut up!

2011-10-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

This woman is my hero.

It's a common occurrence - asshole parent lets asshole kid scream its head off on public transportation. Other passengers are annoyed, but the parent makes no effort to soothe or distract their devil spawn. Well, this bus driver in Portland got fed up, and told the woman to quiet her baby. Being that Portland is tolerate-everything wimp-ville, the other passengers sided with the screamer. I'm actually somewhat surprised, since people use public transportation as their main form of transportation in Portland - you'd think that people would demand better of their fellow passengers, but I guess not.

Obviously, I side with the bus driver. Generally, I side with whatever entity is opposite a screaming baby.

Reason #93485272634 why I avoid public transportation whenever I can - it's just one more scenario when you have to surround yourself with society's undesirables.